my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
