I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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