He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
