She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
