I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
