somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
