fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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