It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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