I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
