Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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