Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
