i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
