This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am available for nakedness
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
