I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
