office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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