your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is the high leading the old right now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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