just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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