got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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