I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
