I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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