you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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