i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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