I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So much Jack, so little girl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
