We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
