Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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