if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
