they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The air was thick with penises
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
