i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
