does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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