just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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