remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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