is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
