is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
