im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
