Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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