If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
