Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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