Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
