You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
