I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
