If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
