Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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