i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
