TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
