Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo dont text me then not text me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
