Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
