dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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