Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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