I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.