Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.