My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.