One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.