I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
