I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
