im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
