we're blogging at a bar
look no pants
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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