Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
