She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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