my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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