Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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