And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
