My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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