Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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