My room smells like vodka and shame
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
