the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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