i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
