Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
