So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
