i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
