i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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