wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
