How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she told me i tasted like america
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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