we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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