I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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