Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
