Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
