Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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