hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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