Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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